Alas, It Cannot Be
by The Chandelier Fell
Summary: Emma Waters wishes to please her family and better her station, but when she is set up with a dull gentleman she wants out. Through her diary entries we explore the life of a young lady trapped by society and duty. Romantic Emma finally gets her wish of true love when she meets a certain top hat-wearing cockney boy. But alas, it cannot be.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I am not Charles Dickens.

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Dear Diary,

My parents bought me a journal today. I wish they had spent the money on something more useful, like lace. To humor them, I shall write. I suppose I should describe myself first, because you can't actually see me, Diary.

I am 16 years old. I have blue eyes, a round face, and full lips. My hair is short because last year I had to sell it to pay for a doctor for my sister. Now my chocolate curls brush just under my chin. I am tall and thin. Being thin comes with my station in life.

My family is poor, that is why I wear such boring clothes. My dress has only a tiny bit of lace around the sleeves. Sarah's dress has some around the collar and sleeves. It isn't fair! My dress is red and white striped diagonally. It has flowers woven into the design perfectly. My brown boots are scuffed and worn. I look just like the working girl I am.

I sell strawberries with my friends Sarah and Leah. We do pretty well. I manage to make a good bit of money. I like the girls I work with too. Leah is very quiet but Sarah always has something to say. They are great friends and I am quite fond of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I only own my OCs!

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Dear Diary,

Today I must rant about William. He is such a dear man, but ever so dull. I wish I was fonder of him, so that our marriage would be a more joyous affair. Still, I find myself looking for a different companion.

It all started three months ago when my parents decided that they wished me to be married, and soon. It's all for my best, of course, nonetheless it's torture. I'm only a child, really, hardly ready for marriage. But my parents insisted on shoving me at William James, a 23 year old gentleman with good prospects.

Mr. James, William's father, owns a publishing company. Supposedly, publishing companies get good money. William doesn't work there, though. His father is convinced that William should start out selling books from a stand like he did.

William gets a decent amount of money. I should like to say he is rich, but that would be a lie. He is very kind, soft-spoken, and generous. A very clever young man, he is. Very clever indeed…

He is not, by any means, attractive. He is short, a good few inches shorter than me and I'm still growing. A crop of neatly combed dark blond hair grows on his head. He has a square face and a rather unfortunate uni-brow. His eyes are a green-blue that is almost handsome. I like his eyes the most.

Oh Diary! What a sad predicament I find myself in!


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

Today was very_ interesting_. For a moment I thought my life could actually be exciting and romantic. As usual, I was wrong.

I was on a walk with William when it happened. It was a few hours before we went to work. We were strolling along, arm-in-arm. He was droning on and on about the best binding material for agricultural books. I was pretending to listen when the interesting thing happened.

A small boy, in dirty mismatched clothes sidled up to Will. He must have thought I wasn't watching, because he reached into William's pocket and took his handkerchief. Plain as day, the boy stole it. I could hardly believe my eyes.

Now, I didn't want to make a scene so I allowed the boy to go. He ran off to another boy. A boy in a top hat. A boy my age.

He was very handsome. His face was long and thin, and yet he still looked well fed. He was wearing equally deteriorated clothing as the first. His hair was a handsome brown, like caramel. Needless to say I was enchanted.

Then, he looked me in the eye. His eyes were the most beautiful thing in the world. So green…so lovely.

I admit, it's foolish, but I think I'm in love.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

I've decided to run away. It was a silly choice, I know, but I can't take it anymore.

William asked if he could call me Emma rather than Ms. Winters, yesterday. That's when it hit me. We would be married soon. I would be even more trapped than I already am. I had to escape.

I packed all my favorite things and some food and money. I left a little note telling my parents and William not to worry. Then I ran.

It's kind of cold out here. Very dark in this alley. I can hardly see what I am writing. I wish I had thought this through a bit more. It won't be very long till I starve. What if the Workhouse takes me? What if I'm attacked by drunken goons?

I need to calm down. I'll be fine. I know I can find that boy and he'll take care of me, just like in a novel. I know I'll be safe.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update! Please forgive me. I've been so busy wth finals, but now I'm out of school and I'll update more often!

**Disclaimer: If I was Charles Dickens, I'd be dead.**

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Dear Diary,

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. My life has been I wild blur lately. Most of my time has been spent searching, listening, and asking around. All for that boy.

I don't understand why I care about him so much. He's a pick pocket, for lord's sake. A dirty little criminal. Maybe it was his eyes. They were so green, and they sparkled. He seemed so happy…so content with his way of life, that…for only a moment…I could forget. I could forget all the stress and jealousy that comes with constantly trying to better yourself.

Maybe, though I try to deny it, I wanted to be poor. I wanted to be free. Freedom is one of the few luxuries the rich can't afford. It's a luxury that I treasure.

When I was a child, my eyes were clear, I saw the good side. But that's the kind of second sight that doesn't last too long. I'm almost grown up now, and the thin line between good and bad is slowly being erased. Maybe the boy isn't really a criminal at all. Maybe he's just desperate.

I'm starting to regret leaving. I'm terribly hungry and I miss the warmth of my bed at night. Every time I think of going back I have to remind myself that it's really only a trap. I need to find him.


End file.
